Summarizing the Bears offense

November 17, 2007

We run an offense that sets up the punting game. Our blocking is a scheme called “half-second hit.” Which means….hit the d-line for half a second, then either fall down, hold the guy, or let him run past you to hit Benson for a loss. Our lineman must be 34 or older and within 2 years of deciding where to purchase their burial plots for themselves. Our receivers must be glorified Cornerbacks; able to tackle, drop passes, and run horrible routes. Our Running Backs must have the ability to fall forward and fumble at the worst possible moments while simultaneously complaining about a lack of a major role in the offense…

The QB system is more complex than any other in the league. On days that Brad Maynard is being overused, to give him a breather, we have designed plays that let Rex Grossman throw 60 yards down field into triple (and sometimes quadruple) coverage with the intentions of an INT. It nets more yards than most of Maynard’s punts anyways… Also, for example, If Briggs is having a great day; 14 tackles, a forced fumble, couple of sacks etc. etc.. We call the infamous “fumble the QB-Center exchange play” or as its called when Rex audibles “3 double red ahhhgh.” It’s allows Briggs more opportunity to pad his stats and allow us a reason to pay him the sum of both AROD’s and David Beckham’s annual salary when he is a free agent this off season…

What can I say? Our offense will do anything possible to keep the Defense in the spotlight. Best way to do it…keep them on the field. Such selflessness.

By NKbearsNK

Who was “bathing in the realm of sarcasm. The water is warm.”

November 17, 2007 | Filed Under Sports

Comments

Leave a Reply




Polls

# of games Bears win this year.

  • 5-8 (33%)
  • 9-12 (33%)
  • 13-16 (33%)
  • 0-4 (0%)

Poll Ends: August 20, 2008 @ 3:59 pm

Loading ... Loading ...