2008 PREDICTIONS

January 24, 2008

Ozzy kicks the bucket.
Scientologist remove Cruise from the #1 position.
We’ll be calling President “McCain”.
Jack Bauer will finally die making 24 good again.
Lacy Peterson’s body won’t be found.
Britney Spears tries to kill herself.
By 4th Q the stock market will be in the low 10,000’s
Minnesota will acquire Berrian & Derek Anderson and look to be the NFC fav.
White Sox & Bulls both make whole sale trades to rebuild.
Doctor Phil will no longer be address as “Doctor” by the end of the year.
Lindsey Lohan poses in Playboy.
Rod Blagojevich is assassinated.
The first 1,000 yard receiver (since 2002) will be Devin Hester (and people will still complain that he should only be doing special teams).
Next years Superbowl performer will finally be ACDC
… finally
There will be one more attack on America traced back to a Muslim group and for the first time there will be vigilante attacks on various Muslim establishments.

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Ford offers sex change benefits

January 23, 2008

Ford offers medical benefits to help pay expenses of those who choose to undergo sex change operations. Ford pays for mental health counseling, hormone therapy, medical visits, and short-term disability after surgical procedures for employees who desire to change their sex.

Click Here and scroll down to see Ford’s report card on how it spends profits to help support homosexuality.

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Kids Are Quick

January 22, 2008

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”

MILLIE: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

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