A new reason to vacation

February 9, 2007

How crazy is this? Hawaii wants to legalize prostitution because illegal prostitution is inconvenient for hookers that are bothered by the police.

Furthermore the Rev. Pam Vessels, of the United Church of Christ in Kalaupapa on Molokai said “Do we really care if consenting adults are engaging in sexual acts for money?”

What the heck is wrong with you lady! Yes some of us care if consenting adults engage in sexual acts OUTSIDE of marriage. And if you’re every associated with the name of Christ try and say and act like Him. Jesus would never say “Do we really care if consenting adults are engaging in sexual acts for money?”.

Here’s the full story.

Filed Under Politics

Check your locks!

February 8, 2007

Lock Bumping and Bump Keys

How To Unlock Car With Tennis Ball

Filed Under Randomness

A new Presidential address

February 7, 2007

WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France , or maybe China .

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, “darn tootin.”
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America . It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won’t forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America . Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

Filed Under Politics

What’s next for the Bears?

February 6, 2007

Coaching
Head Coach: Lovie will sign a 5 year 20 million offer soon.
D Coordinator: Unfortunately, Suiters for Rivera have all but dried up. Meaning I think Rivera will re-sign for a one year deal thinking he’ll get his head coaching job next year. If the Bears decide to go on the cheap I pray they’ll decide to cut Rivera loose. After all he runs Lovie’s cover two and any newbie D coordinator can do that under Lovie’s direction.
O Coordinator: Have to keep Turner in place. Changing OC would be a disaster for Grossman.

Offense
QB: I think we’ll hear lip service about how it there will be a competition for the starting position between Rex and Greise but in the end Rex will be the man in 2007. I hope he matures and adds consistency to his skill set. By the way there a no good free agent QB’s this year. And the only QB with potential, Matt Schaub would cost too much in draft picks and money.
RB: TJ & Cedric are both locks for next season. Cedric really needs to man up. I think he’s got a little Ricky Williams in him. Bad news is Adrian Peterson is a free agent. He’s been a solid back up and brilliant special teams player. I hope he’s back but I wouldn’t be surprised if he leaves to pursue a starting position somewhere. Look for Angelo to burn a draft pick here if AP leaves.
WR: Muhammed, Berrian, Bradly, and Davis are locks to return. Berrian and Davis have proven they’re ablity to get open while Mushin has one more year as the teams possestion reciever. Justin Gage is a free agent. I doubt the team will over pay for him. If Gage wants to be back he’ll have to accept a low end contract. Otherwise we’ll be looking for a low round draft pick here. Surprising, usually the WR free agency pool is pretty deep, not this year.
TE: Clark is the man. Lock and Load. I love his attitude.
O-Line: Everyone is under contract for next year which is great since our OL rocked this year. The only problem is age, average age is over thirty years old. Look for the bulk of our draft picks to be o-linemen. IF there’s a big free agent signing it could come here Max Starks (Steelers) and Leonard Davis (Cardinals) would be HUGE. But I’m not holding my breath.

Defense
D-Line: Our line is returning in full for ‘07 with the exception of Ian Scott who’s a free agent. The Bears won’t over pay for Scott nor should they.
LB: Hunter and Urlacher are ready to go. The biggest question as everyone knows is Briggs. It would have been nice if Briggs played bigger in the Superbowl but that aside I see the Bears resigning Briggs to a big big contract. Something like a 5 year deal. After all Angelo really likes to sign his core players to long term deals. IF Briggs is set on getting top dollar Angelo will opt to use the franchise tag for one year to try and keep the Superbowl team together. I’ll be really surprised to see Briggs go. But if Briggs does go wait and see what Angelo does. There’s five or six other key free agent LB’s out there.
D-backs: Vash & Peanut are not lock down corners but they’re good. The safety position is where we have some trouble. If Mike Brown wasn’t injury all the time he’d be a lock for the pro-bowl yearly but he just misses too much time. We definitely need to shore up the safety position.

Robbie Gould is under contract.

Do NOT expect any trades in the off season. There’s not really any trades out there that make any sense. Of course if someone gives Angelo a deal I’m sure he’ll jump on it. Lastly, speaking of trades Randy Moss is available for a 3rd rounder… sheesh how low has his stock sunk.

Filed Under Sports

3 Comments

What happened, Ron Riveria?

February 5, 2007

Thomas Jones The Superbowl turned out to be one big 2nd half of disappointment. Everyone’s on Rex for the two interceptions and the two fumbled snaps (one he recovered). The reason we lost the game is deeper then that.

Bears were down 16-14 at half time coming out of a horrible second quarter. Horrible because we fumbled twice and Peyton Manning was having his way with the defense. The only thing that kept the game close was Peyton’s inability to score in the red zone twice. Still we go into half time only down 2 points. The coaching staff is allowed extra time during the half to make adjustments thanks to our friend Prince (sarcasm).

The whole second half of the game the DEFENSE PLAYED EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE FIRST HALF. They played their precious cover two taking away the deep pass, effectively taking away Wayne and Harrison but left the rest of the colt nation open underneath. EXACTLY the same thing as the first quarter. If the defensive line was getting pressure on Manning that would be one thing, but they weren’t. Manning was only touched TWICE all game! One time he threw a TD and the other he was sacked. Even when we desperately needed the ball in the fourth quarter we played that same defense. At one point even Urlacher yelled over to the sideline to say “we are playing too conservatively”.

Brian Urlacher I heard a radio personality say after the game that losing Rivera is the same as losing Buddy Ryan after Superbowl 20. What a bunch of BULL CRAP! Buddy Ryan created a defensive scheme no one had ever seen before. Buddy Ryan ran stunts on the defensive line (Do you remember seeing even 1 stunt in the Superbowl?), and most importantly Buddy Ryan knew how to make HALF TIME ADJUSTMENTS!!!

For crying out loud, if you give a hall of fame quarterback time to throw… you’re cooked. That’s why Tom Brady beat us and that’s why Peyton Manning beat us. The Bears crushed Joe Montana on their way to Superbowl 20. You have got to pressure the QB, ESPECIALLY when you’re playing in a driving rain. Remember on the first TD to Reggie Wayne that ball was a complete duck Peyton threw up. If the corner was in man, OR if Chris Harris had played his position correctly that ball is knocked down, intercepted, at the very least Wayne is tackled.

So after four playoff games in the last two years our vaunted defense has given up 29 pts to Carolina, 24 pts to Seattle, 14 pts to the Saints, 29 pts to Indy. Giving up TWENTY FOUR points a game in the play-offs is not the characteristic of a top rated defense and ESPECIALLY not the characteristic of a top rated defensive coordinator. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RON RIVERA GO AWAY.

Side notes to the Superbowl. Thomas Jones was all set-up to be the MVP just as I predicted 130 all purpose yards a 7.5 yard/carry average. Devin Hestor ran one back, as I predicted. In the end the defense and turnovers were the factor, we gave the game away. Mushin Muhammad should be fined a game check for not finishing the tackle on the interception that was run back for a TD. Cedric Benson better have a freakin’ broken leg. Rex isn’t totally off the hook but I do think he deserves another season to mature. Lets see how much he grows between the start of this season and the end of next season. With all his faults he still brought us to the Superbowl which is more then we can say about 24 QB’s we’ve had since Jim McMahon.

One more thing, after Devin ran back his record sixth kick Coach Smith said “We’ve got to get the ball into Devin Hestor’s hands more” and Lis said “You think?“. Devin Hestor was not on offense once after Smith said that. You’d think at the VERY LEAST Devin would line up as WR go in motion fake the end around and hand off to one of our running backs up the middle. We have the most feared open field player in special teams history and coach doesn’t even use him as a decoy???? Come on now.