Merry Christmas from Ben Stein

November 25, 2006

Ben Stein Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don’t know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise’s wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It’s not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don’t feel threatened. I don’t feel discriminated against. That’s what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn’t bother me a bit when people say, “Merry Christmas” to me. I don’t think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn’t bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it’s just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don’t like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don’t think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can’t find it in the Constitution and I don’t like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren’t allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that’s a sign that I’m getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

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Heaven Can Wait

November 24, 2006

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Happy Thanksgiving

November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving
THANKSGIVING DAY

Thanksgiving Day will soon be here
It comes around but once a year
If I could only have my way,
We’d have Thanksgiving every day.

TURKEY IN THE BARNYARD

Turkey in the barnyard, what does he say?
Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble all day.
Turkey on the table, what do I say?
Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy all day.
Turkey in my tummy, what do I say?
I ate too much on Thanksgiving Day!

TURKEY

I am a big, fat turkey
You can’t have my head.
I’ll sit with you at dinner.
We’ll eat a duck instead!

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God in 50 state constitutions

November 22, 2006

>Alabama 1901, Preamble . We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor
and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution.

>Alaska 1956, Preamble. We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who
founded our nation and pioneered this great land…

>Arizona 1911, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to
Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution…

>Arkansas 1874, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to
Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government…

>California 1879, Preamble. We, the People of the State of
California , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom.

>Colorado 1876, Preamble. We, the people of Colorado, with
profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe.

>Connecticut 1818, Preamble. The People of Connecticut,
acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy.

>Delaware 1897, Preamble. Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the
rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their
consciences.

>Florida 1885, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to
Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution…

>Georgia 1777, Preamble. We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and
guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution…

>Hawaii 1959, Preamble. We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance …
Establish this Constitution.

>Idaho 1889, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty
God for our freedom, to secure its blessings.

>Illinois 1870, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to
Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long
permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

>Indiana 1851, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to
Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to choose our form of government.

>Iowa 1857, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme
Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a
continuation of these blessings establish this Constitution.

>Kansas 1859, Preamble. We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our
civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.

>Kentucky 1891, Preamble. We, the people of the Commonwealth are grateful to
Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties…

>Louisiana 1921, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to
Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.

>Maine 1820, Preamble. We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the
goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity .
And imploring His aid and direction.

>Maryland 1776, Preamble. We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to
Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty…

>Massachusetts 1780, Preamble. We…the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with
grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe .. In the
course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction

>Michigan 1908, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to
Almighty God for the blessings of freedom establish this Constitution.

>Minnesota, 1857, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to
God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings:

>Mississippi 1890, Preamble. We, the people of Mississippi in
convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.

>Missouri 1845, Preamble. We, the people of Missouri, with
profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His
goodness .. Establish this Constitution

>Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the
blessings of liberty establish this Constitution ..

>Nebraska 1875, Preamble. We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom
.. Establish this Constitution.

>Nevada 1864, Preamble. We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty
God for our freedom establish this Constitution

>New Hampshire 1792, Part I. Art. I. Sec. V. Every individual has a natural and
unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.

>New Jersey 1844, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to
Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to
enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

>New Mexico 1911, Preamble. We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God
for the blessings of liberty

>New York 1846, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to
Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings.

>North Carolina 1868, Preamble. We the people of the State of North Carolina,
grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political,
and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the
continuance of those

>North Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty
God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain…

>Ohio 1852, Preamble. We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God
for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common

>Oklahoma 1907, Preamble. Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure
and perpetuate the blessings of liberty … establish this

>Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I. Section 2. All men shall be secure in the
Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their
consciences..

>Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty
God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His
guidance

>Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to
Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us
to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing

>South Carolina, 1778, Preamble. We, the people of the State of South Carolina
grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution.

>South Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of South Dakota , grateful to Almighty
God for our civil and religious liberties

>Tennessee 1796, Art. XI.III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to
worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience…

>Texas 1845, Preamble. We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with
gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God.

>Utah 1896, Preamble. Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish
this Constitution.

>Vermont 1777, Preamble. Whereas all government ought to enable the individuals who
compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of
Existence has bestowed on man

>Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator
can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice
Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other

>Washington 1889, Preamble. We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to
the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution

>West Virginia 1872, Preamble. Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the
blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West
Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God

>Wisconsin 1848, Preamble. We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for
our freedom, domestic tranquility

>Wyoming 1890, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for
our civil, political, and religious liberties … establish this Constitution.

*note that nowhere in the Preambles is anyone told they MUST worship God.

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